Monday, January 27, 2014

I'm Afraid........

I'm afraid..........

There! I've said it!

Less than 24 hours away now, I feel the moments crowding me. Whirling, swirling, racing......thoughts. Thoughts of what to remember, what to ask, details, "what ifs....."

God knew I'd be afraid...........Ps. 56:3 "What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." This chapter also repeatedly reads, I will praise Thy Word, In God have I put my trust! That's a pretty good insurance policy, wouldn't you agree?

Jon hasn't been able to lie down for weeks. Last evening we were here alone and he came in and adjusted his sleep lab bed to a sitting position and rested beside me.

I snuggled close, just holding his hand, feeling renewed and strengthened just by his presence. I drifted off into the most restful sleep that I've had in weeks. No, he couldn't stay there long.......but it was enough. I felt safe, reassured, at peace.

So for now and in the coming days, I'll rest in Him, the ever, all sufficient One. When He draws near I know I'm

Saturday, January 25, 2014

He Is!!

He Is!             jan 25 14

He is:
The Great I am
My Shield. My Buckler. My Sword. My Fortress. My Rock. My Hiding Place. My High Tower. My Comforter. My Sustainer. My Savior. My Salvation. My God. He IS MY EVERY THING!

Early morning. Critters are asleep from end of the house to the other. I get Jon's breakfast in the soft light of the stove.

We sit together in the semi darkness at the kitchen table in order not to awaken the Critters.

Jon is listening to I John on his IPad. I just needed to read from my worn old book in the faint light of my coffee nook.

This finally "eroded" as the Spirit of the Word overflowed us like a healing stream and yet like a mighty ocean. Jon kept getting so blessed that he kept pausing his audio and shared his blessing with me. I'd go back to my reading where so many of the above demonstrations of the character of my God keep rolling over me.

What an amazing glorious journey my Sweetheart and I have as we walk with The King!!!!!

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Jon's Surgery

Jon's surgery scheduled for Jan. 28th at Chapel Hill University Hospital.

Amy just went back with her Dad. The Doctor was kind, honest, and thorough. He said he couldn't promise that this would improve Jon's quality of life and there would almost certainly be neurological deficients afterwards. This surgery is to save his life.  Surgery will take from four to six hours. 
This is the most complex surgery of the spine that they do.
He probably won't feel his feet for awhile and may have to learn to walk again. The scenarios, of course, range from fair to bad.
He spent two hours with us and said they almost never schedule a surgery date the first time they see a patient. He was able to pull the team of doctors together to schedule it that quickly.
I think I'm actually in shock that things are moving so quickly after our long search

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Our Rock

Good Morning, My dear family and friends, on this beautiful blessed Sabbath!

Sitting in my recliner with the sunshine warming my face, as my sweet Hubby sleeps in his recliner and Erica is in the kitchen making us some breakfast.

The steroids continue to give Jon some much needed relief. I had difficulty sleeping last night for lying wake praising God. 

It is amazing how suddenly life's perspective can change; how quickly our priorities are rearranged....... For the last four weeks I feel as though I have been "living in a bubble." I see other's entries on Facebook and yet it has looked all surreal, as though I'm so very far away......

For me this HAS been my world, here in this little home, loving, caring, weeping, rejoicing...........shadowed "under His wing."

The courage and strength of My Man has amazed me over and over. In the midst of all his suffering his faith has been his rock. Our Rock has amazed me as never before! I think I can truly say that this has been the lowest darkest valley of my entire life. Jesus has always proven to be The Lilly of the valley, but I suppose one always wonder WILL God be there when the night gets even darker? My faith has grown so much deeper through this in the sense that my confidence in God's sustaining grace for tomorrow's unknown feels as though I'm standing on tiptoes, excited what God can and will do in those days.

I'm singing His praises today!! We have sung His praises in the dark! We sing His praises in the day!!

Update on Jon

We've just returned from the neurosurgeons. Jon has Ependymona tumor INSIDE his spinal cord. It is approximately 1/4 inch by 2 inches. So you well see how it is pressing on his nerves.
This type of tumor is benign 85% of the time. It is extremely rare and can only be treated through surgery. This is a high risk, highly invasive surgery. It is so rare that it s beyond these doctors' expertise.
We are being referred to the team of specialists at Chapel Hill. Please pray that the referral will come quickly, since Jon Abram is home and because of Jon's sever pain.
Jon has been put on a high dose of steroids which will raise his blood sugar. So he will have to be on a strict diet of high protein low carb.

Alone, at home in our bedroom, I asked Jon, who you know, doesn't talk much, what his thoughts were.
He responded, "Honey, I know this is very serious, but I am amazed at The Presence of God and His sustaining grace!"
Now, that's the most profound statement of this entire post!

What an amazing God we serve!!! If you don't know our God of such great grace........may I introduce you to Jesus?

His Strength is Perfect

  A new day dawns... I sit by my window and the fog is so thick that I can't see my birds and yet I know they are being warmed by the food I abundantly provided for them yesterday. Just as assuredly I know the sun will eventually drive away the mist.

After a desperately needed wonderful night's rest, I,too, feel as if yesterday's "mist" is being driven away by the Sunshine of His Presence!  God never promised us all sunshine, but promised to be with us in the rain. Yesterday was one of those "rainy" days. And yet I'm truly not complaining for Jon's suffering has given me a new reference point on what a "bad day" can actually be.

The children returned to their families who needed them so badly. Our Two have given and cared for us so tenderly. I suppose there was a bit of a "let down" there. And yet, He continues to cloak us with His Presence....the ever sufficient One.

I cooked for hours yesterday for Jon, did a lot of laundry, worked on insurance, etc.  Jon was really weak yesterday. Even talking was exhausting for him.  I felt such a heaviness as I watched him push his walker slowly around. I think it was a deep fear that he was slipping back...
We have a week to go and I am dancing a merry dance trying to balance his meds and blood sugar.

Finally in the afternoon, I sat in my recliner with relaxing hymns playing. I picked up my Bible and read these words, "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from which cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord which made heaven and earth!"  And then I read this one, "As the mountains are round about Jerusalem, so the Lord is round about His people from henceforth EVEN FOREVER!"

I sat thinking about that and then did a Google search on the mountains around Jerusalem.  What excited me the most was the image search. As I looked at those images, I saw HIM!  I saw Him surrounding me, promising to be my fortress, my security, my strength!!

It reminded me of the words of Steven Curtis Chapman's song:

We can only know the power that He holds
When we truly see how deep our weakness goes
His strength in us begins, where ours comes to an end
He hears our humble cry and proves again

His strength is perfect when our strength is gone
He'll carry us when we can't carry on
Raised in His power, the weak become strong
His strength is perfect

I am being reminded on this new journey, over and over again, that indeed, His strength is enough!  In my weakest moments I can almost physically feel myself slipping into His "safety net!!"

Yesterday was blessed by so many kindnesses...

I chatted on line with a brand new friend from Jon Abram's Mebane church family.
Avon and Joe grocery shopped for us.
Another friend brought us a basket of food
Pastor called last evening with encouraement.

Strength that often comes through the "helping hands" of God's people! Today I am counting my blessings!  Well, at least I'm TRYING to.........for how numerous are His thought of me.........

Well, the fog has lifted!  Now I can see my birds, just as I knew, even in the midst they were being provided for...

I know He will always "surround me" just as the mountains around about Jerusalem!